I used to work with a woman who was a veritable fountain of malapropisms. Once, to comment on the tendency of people in the office to carry on conversations next to the row of filing cabinets, she said "I've noticed that everyone seems to conjugate right here." My boss and I shared a knowing look, but because this woman never learned to laugh at herself, it was only later that we could wonder aloud if she meant that in the grammatical or the Biblical sense. But my all-time favorite came when she was describing a very fancy wedding shower and the expensive gifts. "She got a huge soup latrine!" By almost choking to death, I managed not to laugh, but it did cross my mind that this had to be one of the world's greatest time savers -- you drink, you go, and just one dish to clean.

This morning, I had a cramp in my foot that I could not work out. After trying a variety of exercises and massage, I started lecturing my foot. [Yes, sadly, I have become one of those crazy old ladies who owns cats and talks to herself.] "What is the matter with you?" I scolded my foot. "Why won't you behave me?"

What was that about not casting the first stone.....?