I've mentioned here before that I won an award last year from my company, and that the important, tangible symbol of that award is a ring. A big, heavy ring. Like the kind you get when you graduate. It's attractive in a masculine sort of way and I would wear it if I could, but the problem is that I can't. For some reason my fingers shrink and swell several times during the course of a day, and the ring will be almost-falling-off-my-finger-loose one minute, and less than an hour later so tight that it puts a ridge of skin between the top of the ring and the knuckle.

Several months before they gave me this award, I was asked by my boss what size ring I wore. I thought he was just playing with my head but I answered him honestly "I can't wear rings." So when they gave me the ring, they had guessed at the size and it fits my little finger. (I am just short and chubby everywhere.) The big boss told me to resize it and put it on my expense report and I made some joke that I liked it on my little finger because if the customer didn't give me an order, I could backhand him. But I did wear it on my little finger as often as I could. During the winter, I could actually go several hours before my finger would start throbbing, but as our temperatures have started to climb, the length of time I could keep the ring on my finger has gotten shorter and shorter.

A few weeks ago we were at a big trade show. The big boss was there and he noticed that I was not wearing the ring. He made a pointed remark about getting it re-sized, and I could see he felt hurt and insulted, or, as the Professor puts it, he was thinking that he had given me a gift and that obligated me to wear it.

I don't really want to insult the big boss, so I doubled down on my thinking about how I could wear this thing without injuring myself. Then I realized that if they cut the back and flattened out the front part, it would make a lovely necklace. So I went to several jewelers to get an estimate. Just one problem: the ring is so thick and heavy that they cannot flatten it out. They can reset the stone into a necklace, but then I lose the company logo, the engraving, etc.

So here are my choices:

Wear it as a ring when I can, for as long as I can.

Send it back to be made into a necklace and lose the sentimental part.

Put the whole ring on a chain around my neck, which means I am "going steady" with my company.

None of these is very appealing to me and I'm having a hard time choosing between bad options. So I have decided to throw this open to a vote. I feel like I'm trying to walk through a mine field with clown shoes on; perhaps someone not emotionally involved can steer me in the right direction.