1. We found the perfect all-in-one bed for the Little Angel. Last Saturday, while Guppy and Storm were playing on the river, I stayed in town and let the delivery men in with the bed. They were supposed to assemble it, but it seemed they didn't have all the pieces.

2. The furniture store was very apologetic. They refunded the delivery charge, and re-scheduled the delivery for Wednesday.

3. The delivery was to take place between 1:00 and 5:00. They were to call me on my cell phone before arrival.

4. By 4:30, with no word, I was getting very worried, and called the furniture store. They said the truck driver would call me right back.

5. At 4:55, afraid that everything would close down at 5:00 and I would have no way at all of getting information, I called again. This time I was put through to the dispatcher, who told me the driver was running 1-1/2 hours late.

6. At 6:00, the driver called me -- not on my cell phone, as I told them overandoverandoverandover, but on my office phone. He said he would be there in an hour. So I went to G&S's house to wait.

7. At 8:00, the truck showed up with 3 guys, one with some experience and 2 brand-new ones. They were whining and complaining from the beginning. The furniture store had told me they would send out a whole new bed and take back the pieces from Saturday. The truck driver refused to do that, but he did find and bring in the box with all the missing pieces.

8. The driver took one look at all the pieces and said they could not possibly assemble it. It would take 2 - 3 hours, and he had 3 more deliveries to make. They did not have the special tools required. (You need training before you can carry a screwdriver, I guess.) This bed needed a service technician to put it together. Their piece de resistance was to say that well, they could try to asemble it, but they couldn't guarantee the safety of the child who slept in it.

9. I called customer service, but of course they were closed. I called the furniture store, and gave the receptionist a pretty hard time. Every now and then I would catch myself and apologize for my tone of voice, but I could not get her to put the store manager on the phone. She finally found someone in the office to talk to me.

10. Not that this guy was any great help. He offered to send someone out to assemble the bed on another day. I asked him just how many days he thought people could take off work to wait for a delivery. He finally said he would call me first thing in the morning, and that the store manager would call me back last night, after he finished interviewing.

11. Place your bets: did the store manager call me? Of course not! But something good did happen -- Guppy came home. If he hadn't had to go back to the office, everything would have worked out so much better. Where Stormii and I were trying to look at the assembly directions and the pieces so we could counter the whining of the delivery men, Guppy took in all the pieces and how they fit together at a glance.

12. The three of us proceeded to assemble this bed that requires hours of training and/or a specialist to build. I guess we spent about an hour. Guppy still needs to tighten all the screws, and we have to lift the chest/desk assembly into its place.

13. This is one of the best furniture stores in town. I have had excellent results from them in the past. But, dammit, I want a pound of flesh for all the crap they've put me through with this bed. I just can't figure out what they could do that would satisfy me. I'm thinking along the lines of the warehouse manager dressed up as a baby, sitting in one of those dunking pools right outside the store, so every customer with a beef could have the satisfaction of dropping him in the drink. Suggestions, anyone?