Sunday, May 13, 2007
Mother's Day
Today is Mother's Day. I am so fortunate to have both my 87 year old mother, and the three wonderful people who made me a mother -- Crabgirl, Dolphin and Guppyman -- close by. Work is satisfying, travel is great fun, but it is family that counts most of all.
My mother is something of an icon now. She was once three inches taller than I am, but now is at least three inches shorter. But her mind is as sharp as ever. Every day she does the crossword puzzle in The New York Times, and the highlight of her week is the Sunday crossword puzzle. She is an interesting combination of shy and outgoing. She makes sure to introduce herself to every new person in her retirement complex, and to make them feel comfortable. Several women have latched onto her as their "only friend". Yet she is very hard to get to know. She doesn't think there is anything interesting about her. So she is a very good listener, but when she talks, it is always about someone else, never about her.
My mother has so much integrity, it's almost scary. When I made a donation to a charity in a relative's memory, then refused to take that deduction on my income tax, on the theory that you can't deduct the flowers you send to a funeral --- that was my internalized mother, also known as a conscience. When she lived in Dallas, where all city councilmen were elected at large, she once voted in a runoff for a man she found despicable, but who had overwhelmingly carried the district he would represent. She believes in democracy, and she did not think it was her place to override what the people wanted.
She is fluent in French. Until her arthritis got too bad, she was a world-class knitter. She is an amazing judge of character. I didn't appreciate her insights when I was young, but I have learned over the years that if she takes an instant dislike to someone, she will be proved right in the long run. With all the people in and out of our lives over the years, she was only fooled once. She has 2 children, 6 grandchildren, and 17 great-grandchildren, and she never forgets a birthday. The Professor's son and daughter-in-law named their daughter for her. Each of her grandchildren and great-granchildren believe that they are her favorite ... and they would all be right.
In some ways, I am her mother now. With her arthritis, osteoporosis and sciatica, she doesn't get out much anymore. I think I buy more clothes for her now than I do for myself, but of course that's what she did for me. I have noticed that there's a competitive thing going on in her complex -- Look what my daughter gave me! Well, look what my son did! --- and I try to be sure she can always hold her own in that contest.
We all become our mothers in a lot of ways. You can see from yesterday's post that I look like her. I know where I got my independence, my determination (not, mind you, stubbornness), my high standards, and the joy of doing things for others. My children all inherited those traits from her, as well, and I see them sprouting in my grandchildren.
So happy Mother's Day, Mom. Happy Mother's Day to all of you.
My mother is something of an icon now. She was once three inches taller than I am, but now is at least three inches shorter. But her mind is as sharp as ever. Every day she does the crossword puzzle in The New York Times, and the highlight of her week is the Sunday crossword puzzle. She is an interesting combination of shy and outgoing. She makes sure to introduce herself to every new person in her retirement complex, and to make them feel comfortable. Several women have latched onto her as their "only friend". Yet she is very hard to get to know. She doesn't think there is anything interesting about her. So she is a very good listener, but when she talks, it is always about someone else, never about her.
My mother has so much integrity, it's almost scary. When I made a donation to a charity in a relative's memory, then refused to take that deduction on my income tax, on the theory that you can't deduct the flowers you send to a funeral --- that was my internalized mother, also known as a conscience. When she lived in Dallas, where all city councilmen were elected at large, she once voted in a runoff for a man she found despicable, but who had overwhelmingly carried the district he would represent. She believes in democracy, and she did not think it was her place to override what the people wanted.
She is fluent in French. Until her arthritis got too bad, she was a world-class knitter. She is an amazing judge of character. I didn't appreciate her insights when I was young, but I have learned over the years that if she takes an instant dislike to someone, she will be proved right in the long run. With all the people in and out of our lives over the years, she was only fooled once. She has 2 children, 6 grandchildren, and 17 great-grandchildren, and she never forgets a birthday. The Professor's son and daughter-in-law named their daughter for her. Each of her grandchildren and great-granchildren believe that they are her favorite ... and they would all be right.
In some ways, I am her mother now. With her arthritis, osteoporosis and sciatica, she doesn't get out much anymore. I think I buy more clothes for her now than I do for myself, but of course that's what she did for me. I have noticed that there's a competitive thing going on in her complex -- Look what my daughter gave me! Well, look what my son did! --- and I try to be sure she can always hold her own in that contest.
We all become our mothers in a lot of ways. You can see from yesterday's post that I look like her. I know where I got my independence, my determination (not, mind you, stubbornness), my high standards, and the joy of doing things for others. My children all inherited those traits from her, as well, and I see them sprouting in my grandchildren.
So happy Mother's Day, Mom. Happy Mother's Day to all of you.
4 Comments:
Awwweee that was such a sweet tribute to Grammy.
Happy Mother's Day :)
I got a call from little one that made my whole day :) I have been smiling from ear to ear since.
I am sure that she is just as proud of you as you are of her!
What a nice Mother's Day tribute to your Mom.
I have Rheumatoid A. and Osteoporosis, too, and know she appreciates every thing you do for her!
That's a lovely piece and I enjoyed reading it.
Here, when you donate to charity, the charity also gets your basic rate tax deduction - it makes your donation worth more but you don't benefit personally - I'm still pondering over which is the more effective system...morally, ours, but is yours more inducement to give?
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