Wednesday, February 01, 2006
The Blues and the Blahs
I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe it's the wintertime blahs. Nothing seems interesting; everything seems like too much trouble.
I need to do my laundry. It's still in the hamper.
I need to finish putting away the clothes from the last time I did laundry. They're still on top of the dresser.
I need to go to the grocery store. I drove right by it last night, but I just couldn't make myself stop.
I need to finish my expense reports. They're lying, half done, on my desk.
I need to make appointments with the dermatologist, the dentist, and an architect. Somehow I manage not to think about any of them during the hours when I could actually make an appointment.
I need to visit my mother.
I need to come up with something interesting to write about.
I believe that the two worst "everyday" sins -- the kind that don't get you arrested -- are laziness and selfishness. My conscience is telling me that leaving all these things unfinished is not only lazy and selfish, but self-indulgent as well. Up until now, my life has consisted of upbeat, high-energy days with an occasional blah day thrown in. Now that proportion has reversed itself.
I have realized as I was writing this that I haven't taken any vitamins in a long time. It would be nice if that was the whole problem, but I'm not sure vitamins will help me get my intensity and my joy back.
I want you all to know what a struggle it has been for me to tell the truth here. I desperately want to pretend to suddenly feeling happy and energetic, so no one will worry about me, and no one will see how imperfect I am. If I actually manage to hit the publish button, it will be a victory of sorts. It has always been my job to comfort and entertain and reassure everyone else, not to get comfort and reassurance from them.
Well, as proof that I can't seem to get anything done, I wrote this post on Saturday and here it is Wednesday and I still don't have anything better to say. But I did manage to do everything on my list above except make all those appointments and find something interesting to say. You'd think I'd be walking on air, since I got a half million dollar order yesterday, but even that didn't fire me up. Maybe when all the flowers start blooming....
I need to do my laundry. It's still in the hamper.
I need to finish putting away the clothes from the last time I did laundry. They're still on top of the dresser.
I need to go to the grocery store. I drove right by it last night, but I just couldn't make myself stop.
I need to finish my expense reports. They're lying, half done, on my desk.
I need to make appointments with the dermatologist, the dentist, and an architect. Somehow I manage not to think about any of them during the hours when I could actually make an appointment.
I need to visit my mother.
I need to come up with something interesting to write about.
I believe that the two worst "everyday" sins -- the kind that don't get you arrested -- are laziness and selfishness. My conscience is telling me that leaving all these things unfinished is not only lazy and selfish, but self-indulgent as well. Up until now, my life has consisted of upbeat, high-energy days with an occasional blah day thrown in. Now that proportion has reversed itself.
I have realized as I was writing this that I haven't taken any vitamins in a long time. It would be nice if that was the whole problem, but I'm not sure vitamins will help me get my intensity and my joy back.
I want you all to know what a struggle it has been for me to tell the truth here. I desperately want to pretend to suddenly feeling happy and energetic, so no one will worry about me, and no one will see how imperfect I am. If I actually manage to hit the publish button, it will be a victory of sorts. It has always been my job to comfort and entertain and reassure everyone else, not to get comfort and reassurance from them.
Well, as proof that I can't seem to get anything done, I wrote this post on Saturday and here it is Wednesday and I still don't have anything better to say. But I did manage to do everything on my list above except make all those appointments and find something interesting to say. You'd think I'd be walking on air, since I got a half million dollar order yesterday, but even that didn't fire me up. Maybe when all the flowers start blooming....
8 Comments:
It does sound like the blahs! Take heart they usually clear up on their own.Take yourself out somewhere and do some unnecessary shopping or see a movie. I have appts. I need to make as well, and some little things that just need doing. I am usually much more proactive about stuff like that.
I think you *did* find something interesting to say, just sharing it helps, and it's helped me to read that someone else feels the same way I do. I have just lit the log fire downstairs (for the cats - of course!) and am now fighting a desire to curl up in front of it with a biography of Jane Austen I got for Christmas, instead of staying up here in the chilly office, re-designing the company website :/.
Yours in solidarity!
xx
Can't find an email addy for you, so leaving yet another comment :). The site is FLYLady ... I think it stands for First Love Yourself :):
http://www.flylady.net/
I wouldn't describe myself as an *avid* flyer, but it certainly helps on those really BLAH days, as you say. If you sign up, you get about fifteen motivational emails a day, saying things like 'WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES?!!!!' 'WHERE IS YOUR LAUNDRY?!!!' - on a good day, I laugh and delete them, on a very bad day, I turn to computer off and go back to bed ... and on a medium day, I go and put my shoes on and fold my laundry :).
Sending you good thoughts, hope you're feeling a bit better x.
PS. And congratulations on the new order!
I think the blues and the blahs are going around! I've been in the same funky mood all day, and can cry at the drop of a hat.
Tomorrow will be a better day!
Congratulations on the order!
I was reading an article the other day that talked about this very same thing. It said that in the winter months that we don't get enough vit. D and zinc. It said to get out in the sun for at least 30 minutes a day and take 25 to 30 mgs. of Zinc a day and it will help lift our spirits and energy. Give it a try and see what happens. If that doesn't work you might be in a bit of a depression. Every so often I'll go thru a phase like this...Good luck. Enjoy your chocolate.
sorry you arer having it so rough right now. If I was in Texas I would swing by and give you a great bug hug..:)
the way you're feeling could have something to do with the weather, or it could even be some of the things that you need to do, none of them are really exciting, grocery shopping??? who can make this an exciting event. there is nothing wrong with having some down time, feeling a little blue. it makes you slow down, sometimes your pace can have a toll on how you're feeling. you might just need some quiet time, spend an afternoon just for yourself, doing something that is a favorite of yours, a craft, reading, baking, lunch with a friend??? everything you need to do, it sounds like chores. where on the list is something, just for you?
do you worry about your son and dil reading this blog. my kids are quite a bit younger and read my blog, it sometimes holds me back from writing what and how i'm really doing and feeling.
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