Kross-Eyed Kitty inspired me, with a post about the difficulties of saying anything at work, to tell the story of how I got in more trouble than I could have imagined.

It was my first trip to a particular paper mill, and the Maintenance Supervisor greeted me with "Your company cost me a girlfriend." It seems our product had failed late in the afternoon, and as it was a version the maintenance crew was not familiar with, it took them a long time to change it out. Unfortunately, this was the night that his girlfriend's son was getting married, and despite repeated phone calls to update her, he missed both the wedding and the reception. A week later, she dumped him.

Now it was obvious to everyone that the wedding fiasco was just a convenient excuse to do what she had been planning to do, anyway. But he wanted a maintenance seminar, and I got an idea.

I called my boss to tell him I wanted to begin the seminar by saying that, although our liability is strictly limited to our product, this was a unique case, and we felt obliged to replace his girlfriend. I would then present the Maintenance Supervisor with a blowup doll. She would be tastefully dressed, and there would be no sexual innuendo, just a good laugh at the idea that he could not possibly find another girlfriend on his own.

"Do it, do it!" said my boss. "They'll love it!"

"But where do I put a blowup doll on my expense report?"

In an everyone-knows-that tone, my boss answered "Under office supplies, of course."

Everything went according to plan. The Maintenance Supervisor loved the doll, "especially the way she gazes at me adoringly"; the women from the mill office took pictures; everyone laughed and joked and had a wonderful time. It was probably the most successful maintenance seminar I ever did.

Two days later I got a call from the Mill Manager. "You" he said, "have violated the EEOC Sexual Harrassment and Discrimination Guidelines."

I had violated the WHAT????? I was too stunned to say anything, but as he continued to talk, it became clear what the real problem was. If someone should commit an actual act of sexual harrassment in the future, the pictures could be used to "prove" that the mill had always tolerated it -- why, they even had blowup dolls around! The facts didn't matter, only what some lawyer might twist it into in some nebulous future litigation. It's probably a good thing that I can't find the picture because, even though it would show a long-sleeved, turtle-necked, very respectable young lady who just happened to be made of latex, it would undoubtedly manage to get me into trouble all over again.

So now you know the ugly truth about me: I am hopelessly politically incorrect, and I have sexually harrassed an entire maintenance crew at a paper mill. And I am thorougly unrepentant. The only thing I am sorry about is that a sense of humor does not seem to extend into management.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````
I tried and tried to create links to Kross-Eyed Kitty and her post on comments at work. My blog has stopped performing any function except publishing. It won't even let me italicize any more. So this won't be a link, but here's the address:
http://mayedecember.blogspot.com.

*Hey look... it is a link now- Gee my son is great! And he knows how to type in italics!*
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````
If anyone is still wondering about the four one-syllable countries, they are France, Spain, Greece and Chad. Ally came up with Wales, which is in that never-never land as a part of the U.K.; Guppyman came up with Guam, which is a US territory, and with Laos, which I maintain is 1-1/2 syllables.