Well, okay, the congressman in question is my dermatologist, and she's only in congress for a few weeks, serving out the remainder of Tom DeLay's term. And I asked her to check it because of a problem I'm having. But I just thought I'd give you a National Inquirer headline, since I'm sure it's the only opportunity I'll ever have to say that.

I've had a mole for years. She froze it off once, but it grew back. Last week it grew a bright red, itchy, burning circle around it, and started bleeding. (Sorry for the graphic details if you are squeamish.) It doesn't look anything like the pictures of malignant moles, but it was driving me crazy and scaring me half to death. The doctor took one swift look and said "Oh my god, I need to do a biopsy on that!" That certainly gave me a lot of comfort. NOT. She did the biopsy, whipped out the scissors, and cut the mole off.

I guess I was hoping she would say something like, oh that's just a ____, we see them all the time, nothing to worry about. Instead, she and the nurse were saying to each other in astonished tones things like HOW big? It's VERY scaly? It's BLEEDING?

Nothing was said or done to reassure me, but for some reason I've stopped being so scared. Things are always worse in your imagination. I was waiting for her to shout "Radiation! Chemo! Stat!" Instead I have to wait four weeks for the biopsy results, but it is such a busy season that I will have plenty of other things to think about.

And, anyway, is it not impressive that on her 62nd birthday, no less, Mitey Mite gets her boob grabbed by a congressman?

Conscience to Mitey Mite: You have to be on the road in less than three hours, and you still haven't packed or made your hotel reservation for tonight. You have to be sure the cats are fed and watered and the litter box is clean. Only half the stockings are hung; you have Christmas decorations and the everyday things they are replacing strewn all over the place. There are packages to be wrapped, and wrapped packages, and rolls of paper to wrap the packages, right in the middle of the den. Why, oh why, are you blogging???

Mitey Mite [with fingers in ears]: La la la la la la la, I can't hear you.

I had big plans for the four-day weekend. I would accomplish all sorts of things, plus take some time for myself. Well, no. On Thursday I cooked, on Friday I cleaned up the mess and did a little shopping. On Saturday and Sunday I found most of my day taken up with an errand I got dragged into.

My brother, who lives in another city, asked if I would take my mother to look at mattresses, as that is what he wanted to give her for Christmas. It had never crossed my mind that her mattress was ancient and probably hurting her. The poor thing has arthritis and osteoporosis and sciatica and really couldn't get comfortable. I mentioned Tempurpedic; he said oh no, he didn't want to spend that much. But I did a little research on them, anyway, especially since my brother easily makes 10 times what I do, and I could afford it. I went to the store and lay on every single mattress. There was no comparison. So I made a really tough sales call -- on my mother.

My mother went through the Depression and World War II. Sacrifice became such a habit that she doesn't know anything else. She will always say "Don't get me anything", or "Oh, you spent too much". I figured my chances of talking her into looking at a $1600 mattress were slim and none. But she is in a lot of pain, and the possibility of relief was too tempting. So, to my surprise, off we went to the mattress store. The instant she lay down on the Tempurpedic she gave a little squeal of relief, and as she settled in she was pretty much moaning in pleasure. The salesman, who had earlier flatly refused to include a free pillow with the mattress, slipped a pillow under her head. At that point, I promise you, my mother began purring. The salesman was so touched by the dramatic relief she was getting that he told me he would give us the pillow.

Here is how much difference that mattress made to her: she saw the price tag and started to protest. But it was a very weak protest, and she gave in immediately when I pointed out that we could afford it. This is not like her at all! So my brother and I are going in together to get her the mattress, and they will deliver it tomorrow. I think she is going to enjoy Christmas a lot more because she will have had several nights of good sleep.

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Time is one of those deep subjects. No one can see it, but we can see its effects. It is one of the earliest words we hear: dinnertime, bedtime, Once Upon a Time. We use it to describe seasons and events: springtime, Christmas time, Miller time. We know that time marches on, that time heals all wounds, and that time and tides wait for no man. We make the most of our time and we kill time. We all have good times and bad times.

Time is elastic. If we are totally absorbed in something, we lose all track of time. If we have a very intense moment, time seems to slow down as we take in every detail around us and imprint it our memories. Einstein, in a Relativity for Dummies moment, noted that a minute spent sitting on a hot stove is much longer than a minute spent sitting on a park bench next to a pretty girl.

We measure time, and we use it to order our lives. At work, we may punch a time clock, and we always try to be on time. In sports, we have time out and halftime. We waltz in three-quarter time. We time ourselves in contests. We break time down to nanoseconds and stretch it out to millenia, but what we are really doing is noting how much happens to us during that span.

My two oldest and my youngest grandchildren were here for Thanksgiving. The two oldest decided to re-create their childhood game of "making tangles" by wrapping balls of yarn around everything in my house. Somehow they decided that throwing the yarn over the ceiling fan was even more fun. The youngest was so delighted by this game that she announced "This is the best Thanksgiving ever!"

And that is time's gift. Things from the past seem to reach forward into the present. We see our grandmother's smile on the face of a grandchild; we are transported for a moment back to our own childhood by a song or a movie or a scent. It did my heart good to see the two young adults playing like children, and to see the child so captivated by their playfulness. It was, indeed, a very good time.

I had a lovely weekend. On Saturday there was an early Thanksgiving dinner at the retirement home where my mother lives. The food was lousy, but the company was good, and I know she enjoyed having everyone there.

Yesterday the Little Angel and I went shopping for stuff to fill shoeboxes. This is in conjunction with the Good Samaritan ministry, and this year I was a little conflicted about it, since Franklin Graham runs it and he made some extremely bigoted comments earlier in the year. But I finally decided that getting toys and school supplies to poor children was the goal, and participating was not an endorsement of his (to me, un-Christian) comments.

The Little Angel wanted to spend some of her own money, and she proudly selected items from the basket at the Dollar Store and paid for them herself. We filled six boxes, and included a brand-new shirt in each one. I strongly suspect the children who will receive these have never had brand-new clothes, only cast-offs. The LA and I talked a little bit about how Jesus told us to help people who need it, with no thought of getting anything in return. She piped up "When I help people, I get something in return -- I get a good feeling about it."

Out of the mouths of babes...

Not only are these the easiest questions evah, but you only need 4 correct answers to pass!

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2. Which country makes Panama hats?
3. From which animal do we get catgut?
4. In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5. What is a camel's hair brush made from?
6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7. What was King George VI's first name?
8. What color is a purple finch?
9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10. Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced "Louie-ville" or "Lewis-ville"?

There, wasn't that easy?

Not so fast!

Here are the correct answers:

1. The Hundred Years War lasted 116 years
2. Panama hats are made in Ecuador
3. Catgut comes from sheep and horses
4. Russians celebrate the October Revolution inNovember
5. Camel's hair brushes are made from squirrel fur
6. The Canary Islands are named after dogs
7. King George VI's first name was Albert
8. Purple finches are crimson
9. Chinese gooseberries are from New Zealand
10. The capital of Kentucky is pronounced "Frankfort".

WHAT? YOU FAILED????

Oh my. Busy, busy, busy. Sales calls, reports, Christmas coming, Thanksgiving, remodeling, business trips, vacation planning.... [excuse me while I catch my breath]...

I had a nice little surprise yesterday. There were three paychecks in the mail. I thought this was a result of Computers Gone Wild, but it turned out to be my paycheck, my annual bonus check, and the amount of raise I should have been getting since August, but didn't because my boss is always late doing reviews. He never even told me how much my raise was going to be, but when I did the math I discovered he gave me a 5% raise. Once upon a time, that was no big deal, but nowadays that's a really good raise. Then again, I sold $6.5 million, when more than half the sales force is selling $2 million or less, so they should give me a big raise, right? And the other woman in the sales force told me that when she was interviewing, the head hunter told her that the most successful salesman in our company was a woman. That would be me. So I'm feeling pretty good right now.

The Professor is out of town and I wanted to celebrate, so I took Guppy and Stormii to the Aquarium for dinner. If you've never been to one of these restaurants, the food is fairly good and the decor is spectacular, with fish from all over the world in huge tanks. And Guppy, as he was musing that he'd like to make his bedroom look a lot like the restaurant, came up with a perfect idea for me. He suggested that we build in a large tank in a spot that will be visible from most of the house. Others have suggested tanks over the years and it never really appealed to me, but Gup hit on the perfect spot. My oldest grandson, D-Man, has been suggesting for a long time that he set up a salt water tank and maintain it. I do believe he is going to get his opportunity.

Well, I have been up for a few hours already, doing laundry, Christmas shopping on the internet and baking, and now I need to rehearse a presentation I have to give in a couple of hours. Hope everyone has a really great day!

Update: I have added all the answers I know. If anyone can figure out the last 7, you will be my hero forever.

This is a sticky post. Scroll down for Saturday Photo Hunt.

Okay, all you MENSA be's and wannabe's, here is a test. Rumor has it that only two MENSA members have answered all 33. They also say that you are a genius if you answer 23, but I know that ain't so cuz I've done figgered out 24. Post your answers in comments; I'll update them as we go. I'll leave this as a sticky post for awhile and see if together we can get them all.

0. 24 H in a D (Answer: 24 Hours in a Day)
1. 26 L of the A 26 Letters of the Alphabet
2. 7 D of the W 7 Days of the Week
3. 7 W of the W 7 Wonders of the World
4. 12 S of the Z 12 Signs of the Zodiac
5. 66 B of the B Books of the Bible
6. 52 C in a P (WJs) 52 cards in a pack (without jokers)
7. 13 S in the USF 13 stripes on the U S Flag
8. 18 H on a G C 18 Holes on a Golf Course
9. 39 B of the O T 39 Books of the Old Testament
10. 5 T on a F 5 Toes on a Foot
11. 90 D in a R A 90 Degrees in a Right Angle
12. 3 B M (S H T R) 3 Blind Mice (See How They Run)
13. 32 is the T in D F at which W F Temperature in Degrees Fahrenheit at which Water Freezes
14. 15 P in a R T
15. 3 W on a T 3 Wheels on a Tricycle
16. 100 C in a R
17. 11 P in a F (S) T
18. 12 M in a Y 12 Months in a Year
19. 13=UFS Unlucky Friday Superstition
20. 8 T on an O 8 Tentacles on an Octopus
21. 29 D in F in a L Y 29 Days in February in a Leap Year
22. 27 B in the N T 27 Books in the New Testament
23. 365 D in a Y 365 Days in a Year
24. 13 L in a B D 13 Loaves in a Baker's Dozen
25. 52 W in a Y 52 Weeks in a Year
26. 9 L of a C 9 Lives of a Cat
27. 60 M in an H 60 Minutes in an Hour
28. 23 P of C in the H B 23 Pair of Chromosomes in the Human Body
29. 64 S on a C B
30. 9 P in S A
31. 6 B to an O in C
32. 1000 Y in a M 1000 Years in a Millenium
33. 15 M on a D M C 15 Men on a Dead Man's Chest

Not all growth is good!

Yesterday I decided to bite the bullet and buy my first artificial Christmas tree ever. The Professor is almost always traveling in early December, so I am stuck every year with putting the tree up --- and then it dries out -- and then it makes a mess when you take it down --- but, damn, it smells good! But I digress. I went to Garden Ridge because they were having a big sale on trees. I spent close to an hour agonizing over which tree I wanted. When you get up close to an artificial tree, it looks, well, artificial. I met another woman about my age who was also trying to convince herself she wanted an artificial tree for the practicality. We were trying to give each other moral support, but I don't think either one of us had her heart in it.

I finally settled on a tree. On sale, it was $300, but it looked just like it was growing on a ski slope in Colorado (as long as you didn't get right up on it.) I grabbed someone to help me find the box and load it up. He said, and I quote "Oh, you want the ho?" I wasn't sure what word I'd missed, but obviously he said "Oh, you want the _ _ _, ho?" WHY was this young man calling me a ho???? Fortunately for him, he left for the stockroom before I could react. While he was gone, I wandered over to the boxes that were out on the floor, and noticed symbols on each box like HI, HA, etc. Aha! I wasn't the ho, my Christmas tree was a HO!

As it turned out, the tree really was a HO. Everyone else got it first, and there was none left for me. They assured me there would be a truck Monday or Tuesday, but I'll be out of town, so that doesn't do me any good. I went to two other stores, but didn't like their trees. I finally decided that all this was a sign that I should stick with a real tree for one more year. And that's even practical, since I won't really know until after the remodeling is done how tall or how wide a tree I want. I just love it when I can justify rationally what I want emotionally!

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The Rose Window in Notre Dame Cathedral, Paris